it's madness in my head__JAXON

[lyric "ricki" layne]

YOU COULD BE HAPPY

[/b][/size]
and i won't know but you weren't happy the day i watched you go[/color][/center]

Ricki was alone when she went out tonight. She didn't need anyone, well thats what she had been telling herself for months now. Sometimes she was convinced and others she knew it was all an act. If anyone asked she would deny it but deep down she was screaming that no she didn't need someone, she needed him. The boy she had loved and he had loved her. Well she had thought he loved her. Now she knew he didn't and had a feeling he never had. Not when they were silly teenagers who spent almost every waking moment together and not when they reunited years later. Since the time she found this out she had all but cut him out of her life. She had deleted his number and changed hers. If he had had a key to her apartment back home she would have changed the locks but that wasn't necessary.

Tonight she wasn't going to think about him though. Thats what she told herself as she stepped off the bus in her tight black hot pants and and tiny blue bikini top with a loose black vest over the top that hung low enough to show the bikini off in full. This was a girl who was good at covering up how she felt, but had never really learned how to cover herself up. Her heels weren't as high as the could be and she was short in comparison to most. She couldn't care tonight and soon she wouldn't care about anything at all. The plan for tonight was to drink. Drink until she forgot all about everything. If everything went the way she wanted it too she wouldn't even know her own name by the end of the night when she fell into bed with whatever guy caught her eye on the dance floor.

A few hours later and well things hadn't worked out. The more she drank the more she remembered. The way he held her hand and the way he actually looked in her eyes when he spoke to her. With a few more drinks she was thinking about how she loved waking up and feeling his arms around her. It was only a couple of drinks later that the tears began to sting her eyes and drag her make up down her face. They had mutual friends and at this particular drunken moment she thought it would be a good idea to call one of them and demand they give her his number which she scribbled onto her hand using eyeliner.

After that she headed outside and into the alleyway that ran alongside the club. If she had been sober there was no way she would have done this. But with a mind clouded with alcohol she felt like she was able to say what she wanted to say. Her hands were shaking as she dialed the number and when she heard it ringing she felt just a little sick. Now her whole body was shaking as she heard the ringing stop. The poor boy didn't even get a chance to speak. "Jax.

[/color]" Her voice was slurred slightly and he could probably hear that she was crying but she was past caring. She just didn't know what to say now.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[jaxon montague]

a gathering of angels appeared above my head ,

[/size]
they sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]

When Ricki and Jaxon first broke up, you better believe that he was heartbroken. Sure, it was his fault that they weren't happily married, but he just wasn't ready yet. Jaxon moped around the place for the first month of being single, until he realized that that wasn't going to get him anywhere. So, that's was Jaxon decided that it was about time for him to start dating again. He went out, found a couple girls, and tried to make it work. The problem was that he just didn't feel the way that he did with Ricki. Sure, the girls was cool and was nice and everything. But it felt that Ricki was the missing puzzle piece in the puzzle that was Jaxon. But he knew that he couldn't have her again.

So recently, Jax hasn't really been dating seriously. Maybe a few hook-ups here and there, but that was it. That was okay with him though. Because Jaxon felt that it was probably best for him not to have a girlfriend for a while. I mean, most of his teenage years he had been dating someone, whether it be Lyric or not. It was good for him to get a break from being tied down to just one girl. This way, he could just go and have some fun with whoever he wanted.

He hadn't really thought about Ricki for a while, that was until the tour started. What he started thinking about her was because one of his band mates told him that she and her band were on the tour. In fact, that they were on the other team. Once someone told him about her being on the same tour as him, it awakened ancient demons. It seemed like most of his thoughts were of Ricki, and Ricki only. The only way that he could get away from thinking of her, was when he was performing on stage. But then again, he forgot about everything except his music when he touched the stage.

But Jaxon figured that he could try to get away from these thoughts. One way to do that, was by going out with some friends and getting crazy drunk and get laid by some random chick. So that's what he was out to do. Jaxon was driving to his first club with a couple of his friends. They were pulling into the parking lot, when his cell phone began to ring. He sighed as he turned his car off in the parking spot. He motioned for his friends to go on without him, as he pulled out his phone and looked at the number.

It was a number that he didn't know. Probably a wrong number. He thought to himself. Jaxon then pressed the talk button, and before he could even say hello, he heard the voice on the other line say his name. Jax froze, for he knew that voice. He knew that voice very well. Jaxon clicked the button on his seatbelt as it unbuckled. It felt like a knot had grown in his throat. Jaxon could tell that she was crying, which wasn't a good sign. Hell, the fact that she called him wasn't a good sign. Finally he built up the courage to say something. "Ricki?" He asked, just making sure if it was her, even though he was about ninety nine percent sure that it was her. "What's wrong?" His voice was shaky, what the fuck was all of this about?

count: 582
notes: none
outfit: here!

[lyric "ricki" layne]

YOU COULD BE HAPPY

[/b][/size]
and i won't know but you weren't happy the day i watched you go[/color][/center]

Why had she called him? There had been a reason back when she demanded his number from the first person she thought would know it but now here she was her back pressed against the rough stone wall of whatever building was on the side of the alleyway with the phone in her hand and his voice in her ear. Every rational thought she had in her alcohol infused brain was disappearing fast and she had no idea what to say. Tell the truth or bullshit her way out of this. Say she had the wrong number. No she said his name so it was obvious she knew who's voice she was going to hear. And it was good to hear that voice again. "Y-yeah it's me.

[/color]" She stuttered in an unusually soft voice that freaked her out to be honest. Great now he was sure it was her. He probably would have been anyway but her intoxicated brain did wonder if she could have got away with saying 'no actually it's Andrea.'

He asked her what was wrong and she shook her head, not that he could see it or anything. She still had no idea what she was doing, maybe she should hang up. No he already sounded worried and if she suddenly dropped the line it would be bad. Why was he worried? He wasn't worried when he ran out of their wedding and left her standing next to some guy dressed up as Elvis. She had cried then too and he didn't give a shit. "I don't know. I don't know why i called.[/color]" There was a tone to her voice that just didn't belong to her. Defeat. Strong little Lyric Layne sounded like a kid who lost an argument. That was all he needed to know, wasn't it? She had picked up a phone and dialed a number without thinking. It just happened to be his and she just happened to be upset at the time. To her that sounded like a good enough explanation and she took the phone from her ear, her finger resting on the button that would cut them off.

Something made her bring her hand back up to rest on her cheek. Something told her she had to tell him how she really felt. Then it would be easier to move on, he probably already had. She sighed and slumped against the wall stopping just before her ass hit the ground. "I'm not mad anymore Jax. I said a lotta shit but i didn't mean any of it.[/color]" The tears were coming faster now and he was sure to hear her sob between words. "I never hated you. No matter what i said.[/color] She told him not sure if that would make any difference to his life. Doubting it would make any difference to him at all. There was no way she could tell him that she still loved him. No way she could make herself that vulnerable to him again. Ricki had learned the hard way about making herself vulnerable around anyone.

For a moment she said nothing. Just listened to him breathing on the other end of the phone. She had forgotten how much she loved that sound and again her crying got worse. And of course where ever Lyric was there was a photographer not far behind and when they seen she was upset they weren't exactly the first to offer her a tissue. The flash was brighter than normal because of their dark surrounds and it startled her enough for a small gasp to escape her lips just as the slime ball holding that long lensed camera to chuckle some insincere apology to her. Maybe it was because she was drunk or maybe it was because she was Ricki but she stood up, phone coming clenched in her small fist. This was not a good move and there would be pictures of her screaming at him all over every crappy little magazine tomorrow but she didn't care. "Why don't you just fuck off? The world would be a much happier place if you just crawled into a corner and died.[/color]" She had forgotten all about the phone in her hand which would be letting Jaxon hear every word of this. She also didn't know he was as close as he was and with her talent for screaming he would be able to hear her clearly without the phone. She turned and began to make her way out of the alley and away from the photographer who didn't miss a beat in following her.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[jaxon montague]

a gathering of angels appeared above my head ,

[/size]
they sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]

It seemed a bit odd to Jaxon that while he had just started thinking about her again, out of nowhere she freakin' calls him. His mind was flooded with all of the memories of her. All of the good times that spent together. Like the one time of the many times they went to an amusement park with each other, and rode the big roller coaster over and over until they physically couldn't stand up anymore. Or the time that they went to the beach and dug that huge hole, that they had a cop come and tell them that they had to fill it back up, but they just covered it up with an old towel they had, then they waited to see if anyone fell into it.

Then memories of their first kiss, how they had just came back from a date to the movies, it was raining outside, Jax had given her his jacket to cover her head from the wetness. They reached her doorstep, he was soaked from head to toe, when Ricki smiled her brilliant smile as she ran her fingers threw his wet hair. Slowly she leaned into him, and Jaxon started to lean also when their lips met for the first time. As that memory began to fade, thoughts of their first break up came to mind. The reason why they broke up the first time wasn't because of anything serious. It was just that both of their careers were just taking off, and they never really had time for each other. So they thought it was best if they took a break.

After sometime, they met again and decided to try again. Then we all knew what happened after that. Why did I have to go and screw such a good thing up? Jaxon thought to himself, still holding the phone to his hair listening to her soft breaths, shortened by her sobs, telling him the reason why she called. There wasn't one. Jaxon knew Lyric better than his own mother, and he knew her well enough to know that there had to be a reason that she called, either that or she was drunk. But whatever reason she called for, it seemed like she really wasn't looking to talk. So Jaxon reached to click the button to end the call, when Ricki spoke again.

I'm not mad anymore Jax. I said a lotta shit but i didn't mean any of it. Jaxon paused and took his finger away from the phone. He could hear her cries get louder then they were before. I never hated you. No matter what I said. That sent chills down Jaxon's spine. To know that she didn't completely hate him was a relief. Sure, she wasn't saying that she loved him again, but it was better than what he thought she felt ten minutes ago. As much as he wanted to burst out saying that he loved her, he always had, and was an idiot for not marrying her, Jaxon just couldn't get the words to come out.

All he could do was sit there, and wish to say something. He was trying to build up something beautiful something to say to her, when he heard the phone static some, and then heard her begin to curse at someone. Probably one of the stupid pest that liked to follow the people on tour, take pictures and make up stories about them in their worst times. He chuckled a little to himself of what she said to him, because it was so true. And that's how everybody felt about those douche bags. Then he heard her quick footsteps on the other line, that's when figured she needed someone to save her from the scum man. Jaxon then shouted into the phone, "Where are you?!" He thought maybe if she was near by that he could come and pick her up and while he was at it, run over that dumb ass that was following her.

count: 668
notes: none
outfit: here!

[lyric "ricki" layne]

YOU COULD BE HAPPY

[/b][/size]
and i won't know but you weren't happy the day i watched you go[/color][/center]

Maybe this was the worst idea she had ever had. As far as she was concerned he had never loved her like he said he did. Her mind was made up that when they got back together he was doing it to prove a point. To prove that he could still have the infamous Lyric Layne who could and did have whoever and whatever she wanted. She remembered screaming something along those lines at her that day he had tried to talk to her. Before now that had been the last time they had spoken to each other. Maybe she should have left it that way but she couldn't. She couldn't let him go through the rest of his life believing the last words she had said to him. He might have been able to cope with that but she didn't like the idea of him always remembering her as the girl who screamed i hate you at the top of her lungs before walking out of his life forever.

The words 'i love you' were lingering on her tongue. They wanted to come out, they wanted him to hear them but she wouldn't let them. Ricki was not going to be that girl who cried on the phone as she told someone she loved them, knowing they didn't love her back. Anyway even if she did say them she was on tour and he was, well she didn't know where he was. He could be back where he called home, where they had grown up or he could be on an other tour halfway across the world for all she knew. Saying she loved him now was only going to confuse them both. She would want to see him even if it was just to give him back that shirt of his that somehow always ended up in the bottom of her bag when she packed for a tour. No she couldn't, wouldn't tell him.

She had almost forgotten the phone in her hand until she heard his voice. "Huh?

[/color]" She sounded confused as she brought the phone to her ear again and stepped out onto the street again. She had heard what he said she was just confused in general right now. She was sad but happy when she heard his voice and now she was pissed off at some random freak who was still following her with a goddamn camera. "Chicago.[/color]" She said into the phone not thinking he meant her exact location, after all she had no idea he was even in the same city. "Outside a club." She added a moment later as she looked up at the brightly lit sign above the door. "Illusions, why?[/color]" It had struck her as an odd question. Why would he want to know where she was? It wasn't like he could swoop in a rescue her like he always had whenever she needed him too. A part of her had hoped he would though, the part of her that made her go into more detail about where she was. The camera flashed again and without turning round or even thinking to take the phone away from her ear her voice took on a low growl. "I swear to god you take one more picture i'm gonna break something and believe me it won't be the damned camera." Yeah it wouldn't have been the first time she threatened the press and if this guy had done his homework he would know that she meant every word of it.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[jaxon montague]

a gathering of angels appeared above my head ,

[/size]
they sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]

This was just too weird for Jaxon. It had been a year since Ricki and him talked last and he just couldn't believe that she had called him. I mean, Jaxon was still in shock by the fact that Lyric even called him. Because the last time that they talked was a couple of days after their break-up. He was trying to explain himself to her and how he just wasn't ready to get married, but Ricki being Ricki, just didn't want to listen. So before he could even get a word out, she yelled and screamed at him. She pretty much stomped around the place saying that she didn't need him and that she didn't want to speak to him ever again. That she was an independent woman and that she could take care of herself. Which, Jaxon could totally believe. I mean this was Ricki we were talking about. Well, apparently she didn't mean it. Which really was okay with Jaxon. Because he really missed hearing her voice. Although she thought that he didn't love her anymore, he really did.

Jaxon snapped back to reality, and waited for an answer from her. Chicago. Well, that was a given. He already knew that. Outside a club. That was a bit more helpful. Illusions, why? Bingo. That was what he needed. Jaxon looked up at the flashing signs near him. Luckily, he just happened to be at the club next to Illusions. Without listening to what Ricki said to the dude that was following her, he spoke once more. "Stay where you are." Once again, Jaxon started his car and buckled back up. Pulling out of his parking spot, he drove out of the lot to the front of Illusions. He stopped the car, looking around for Ricki. That shouldn't be too hard, He thought to himself. I mean the girl has pink hair for god's sake. His eyes were scanning the dark when he saw a girl walking and flashes of light behind her. Once again he spoke into the phone, "Hurry up and get into the car." Jaxon unlocked the doors, waiting for Lyric to hopefully get inside, meaning this would be the second time of Jaxon saving her was these pest.

count: 374
notes: omg, this post sucks. sorry, i'm a bit tired. that's why.
outfit: here!

[lyric "ricki" layne]

YOU COULD BE HAPPY

[/b][/size]
and i won't know but you weren't happy the day i watched you go[/color][/center]

That last time they had spoke had been one of the hardest moment of her life. She had wanted to believe him, wanted to give him a change to say something she could believe but there was that part of Ricki that had to protect herself. The survival instinct she had developed over the years to make sure no one could even get close to hurting her. An instinct she had let slide when Jaxon came into her life and actually let him get close to her. An instinct she would never drop again. Well she didn't want to end up with someone else's initial emblazoned on her hip. Luckily J was a common letter and most of the time with people asked now that pretty J on the eye patch of the pirate skull that lived on her hip stood for Jesus. Soon she would set up an appointment to go get it covered. Get the eye patch colored on completely black. At least then it wasn't such a literal reminder of him whenever she glanced downward.

Stay where she was? Why the hell would she want to do that. "i don't know if you heard or not but i'm not exactly planning on sticking around much longer.

[/color]" Her voice still carried that slur and a hint of sadness under all the aggression that was so evident in it. Maybe no one would be able to pick up on the sad edge but id anyone could it would be Jaxon. He was often the only one Ricki could be sad around. The only one that she hadn't built herself up as Lyric Layne: carefree and careless. Jaxon had known her before all that, he had known her when she was just plain old Lyric from down the street and round the corner. The girl he had pushed around the local walmart in one of the carts and the girl he who's hand he had held onto so tight as they ran from the cops who came to break up a party that consisted of pretty much every activity they could not legally do. He was the one person in the world who knew her anymore, well he had been until she shut him out.

The flashes continued to come and she was about to drop the phone and make sure that the man behind the camera never looked the same again when she heard the voice she had fallen asleep listening to sooo many times again. "What? Jax what are you talking about?[/color]" What did he mean get in the car? For some reason she continued moving, getting closer to the road and something made her look up. The car in front of her looked familiar but the driver even more so. How the hell did he do that? She had only told him where she was seconds ago. The phone was still pressed to her ear and she was close enough to talk to him directly by now but there was too much she wanted to say, too much she wanted to ask. Not to mention that just seeing him again had brought on a whole new flood of tears that were currently running over the dried track of the last. The she remembered what he had said. Get in the car.

For once Ricki did what she was told without even a hint of an argument. The whole time she was opening the door and climbing into the passenger seat she couldn't help but think how she wanted to run as fast as she could in the other direction. There he was looking freaking amazing and here she was, drunk with make up running down her face and tears in her eyes. At least on the phone he couldn't see what a mess she was, what a mess she was without him. At the same time sitting beside him while she clicked her belt into place she couldn't deny that certain safe feeling she had always got when she was around him. Her brown eyes wanted to look at him, drink in the wonderful sight of the man she loved but she made them look at her lap. "Why...?[/color]"

There were too many endings to this statement. Why did you leave me there? Why didn't you make me listen to you? Why are you here now? Why am i such an idiot when it comes to love? All of which seemed equally important but all of them also seemed inappropriate. "Sorry, pull over.[/color]" She pretty much demanded as she looked out the window feeling like she was making a fool out of herself and making him realize how lucky he was to have got rid of her. "I'll call a cab from here." She added before he had a chance to follow through with her orders. Well she didn't want him thinking she was going to throw up or anything although she couldn't deny that sickly feeling in her stomach.

Why had she even gotten into the car in the first place? She had to stop relying on someone who probably hated her, and had every right to do so, to save her. Her head tipped back and she was left staring at the roof with its weird lining that only existed inside the roof of a car. It was tempting to look at herself in the mirror but she didn't want to see what he was seeing right now. She didn't want him to be seeing her at all right now.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[jaxon montague]

a gathering of angels appeared above my head ,

[/size]
they sang to me this song of hope, and this is what they said.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -[/center]

Jaxon wasn't even really listening to his phone anymore, he was more concerned about looking for Ricki. This boy really felt horrible for leaving her, ever. Both times. It was probably the biggest mistake of his life. Even bigger than getting paint all over his mother's new carpet. Oh no, this was ten times worse. What he did to her was bad. You see, what had happened was, Lyric and Jaxon were out having a great time. Okay, so they were out drinking when they started talking about a bunch of stuff and one of the things just happened to be marriage, and if you know anything about being drunk, you know that sometimes you say things that you might feel but you might not actually want to just do it. It ended up that they decided to go get married in a random quick chapel and get it done. Well, while Ricki was out going and looking for a dress, Jaxon got to thinking about everything and he decided that he wasn't ready. He wanted to have his closest friends and some of his family there to enjoy the moment with him, but sadly Lyric didn't take it like that. She thought that he just didn't really have those feelings for her, which was completely untrue. This boy really did care for her, and it hurt that when she told him that she never wanted to she him again. Possibly seeing her again was going to kill him.

He watched her as she walked toward the car. Oh god, this is really going to happen Jaxon's heart started racing, his breaths were getting faster. She climbed into the car and closed the door behind her. Some say that this girl looked like a train wreak, but to Jax this was the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on, and this boy was a musician. Once she buckled up, he wanted to say something or at least smile, but he just couldn't get himself to do it. Once again, he starting driving to get away from the stupid people chasing her. That's when she looked at him and asked why? Why what? Why did he leave her? Why did he pick her up? Why was the sky blue? He didn't really understand, but she didn't finish the sentence so he just let that go. But then she threw him off by asking him to pull over. Jaxon then looked for a good place to pull over, because we all knew Jax and that he couldn't just pull over anywhere. He drove safer than his grandmother. So he found a nice place to stop and did. Ricki spoke once again, saying that she would just get a cab. Jaxon didn't want her to go, he didn't want to lose her again. As Lyric went to get out of the car, Jax softly grabbed her hand then placed the other one on her cheek turning her toward him. All of her eye make-up was running her tear stained face and finally did what he had wanted to do for a very long time. Jaxon stared her in the eyes, smiled and pulling her in to kiss her on the lips. He felt the small amount of lip gloss that lasted, then moved away ever so slowly.

Jaxon then looked her and slightly smiled again. "Lyric." Jax let out a sigh, almost out of relief that he finally got a word out to here, face to face. His brain was rush with all of the things that he felt that he needed to say. On one hand he wanted to just straight up and tell her that he loved her and that he always would love her. That he was a dumb-ass and that he should have not been an idiot and just left her there. That he should have gotten over the fact that he could have his family there. That he just needed to show her his love for her no matter what and that it didn't matter who knew it. Or if he should just simply tell her why he did it, and that he just wasn't ready at the time and he wanted her to give him another chance. Jaxon let out a soft sigh, he paused to choose his next words wisely, "I never meant to hurt you." Jaxon glanced out the window, to make sure that one of those scum bags didn't follow them and was going to pop out of nowhere and take picture of them and put bogus headlines about them. So Jaxon turned off his head lights, and turned his attention to Ricki once more.

count: 781
notes: i'm back, and i freakin' love ricki and jax!
outfit: here!

[lyric "ricki" layne]

YOU COULD BE HAPPY

[/b][/size]
and i won't know but you weren't happy the day i watched you go[/color][/center]

Just seeing Jaxon again had stirred up even more emotions within the girl. She wanted to grab onto him and never let go but then again she wanted to get as far away from him as she possibly could. For every fond memory and happy thought that sprang to mind she forced herself to think of how she had felt as she stood there and watched him leave. This was how she protected herself. She couldn't let him hurt her again so she had to stop herself from letting him get close. That in itself was hurting her so much it was almost impossible to bare. The way he was sitting there, driving seemingly unaffected by her presence made her want to scream. Ricki had always been the kind of girl that needed attention, she needed reaction and so far he hadn't even spoke to her. That could be excused though, after all she had only said one word that on it's own meant nothing. There was no way he could say.

Before the car had even stopped she was twisting her body in preparation to get out. If it had been anyone else behind the wheel her seatbelt would have been off by now but this was Jaxon. Right now she was not in the mood for him to demand she put it back on. No this time she waited until he had found the spot he deemed appropriate and then she went to get out as quickly as she could. Suddenly she felt his hand on hers. Oh god she had forgot just how right it had always felt when he took her hand in his. Swallowing hard she almost pulled away from him but she was stopped once again when his other hand found her cheek. As he gently turned her to face him her eyes dropped and she looked down. What was he doing? She had no idea but she couldn't face him while he done it. The gentle sound of his breathing was get closer. In fact she could feel his warm breath against her skin. Thats what made her look up just in time for their eyes to meet for a moment before he came even closer. Her brain was telling her to back up but instinct didn't let her. His lips met hers but she didn't react.

He slowly pulled away and smiled as he spoke her name. Looking at him she was sure that she looked confused right now. She had every right to be after what had just happened. But no matter how she felt his smile had always had the same effect on it. It made her stomach flutter and her knees go weak but most noticeably whenever he smiled, she smiled. "Jax." Her voice was soft and nothing like her usual harsh new york drawl. There was a silence. It wasn't really comfortable but it wasn't as awkward as she thought it would have been. i never meant to hurt you. They were really doing this. Taking a deep breath Ricki tried to pull her thoughts together. This was not a good time. "How else was i meant to feel?" She sighed still using that strange soft voice with the gentle slur. "I mean i loved you Jax. I still lo...

[/color]" That's right. She almost said i still love you. Unless Jaxon's IQ had decreased dramatically she was sure he would have been able to work that out. Ricki looked down again. There was no way she should have said that, but there was no way to take it back now. "I still love you. She whispered barely loud enough for even herself to hear.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]